I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
