It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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