I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize