somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
