Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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