I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
