How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
