I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
