all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
