I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
