I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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