god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize