I can text with my tongue
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
