I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize