You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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