Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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