You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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