and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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