I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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