a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
