Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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