Who did Billy Mays play for?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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