If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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