During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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