y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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