I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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