dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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