So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
