I think my vagina is haunted
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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