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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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