dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
