hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
