Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
