so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
