Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
