Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
