even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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