Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize