my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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