I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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