Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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