We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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