Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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