I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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