I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
