Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
