i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
