I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
