I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
