I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
