Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize