the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Found your dick twin last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
