everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize