evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
