thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
