Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
