Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
