i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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