So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
