the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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