my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
