you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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