we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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