im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
