i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
