It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize