Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
