I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
