I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
