***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize