I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
