would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
