3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so explain again why im purple
no
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
