The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
