3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
